Got this bizarre book at the library yesterday called:
VERY cool book.
It’s a HUGE alphabetical listing of every monster from every book, movie, TV show, myth, legend and comic book you can think of — from the “Acromegalic” (whatever that is) to the “Zombie Legion.”
Anyway, reading it got me thinking about real life monsters.
You know, the kind we see in the **marketing** world.
Except our monsters are actually scarier.
And while they don’t kill you physically… they can kill you financially.
Here are a few of the nastier ones out to watch out for:
Hydra of Hype:
You often see this giant, dragon-like thing with multiple heads in highly competitive niches — like wate loss, biz opp, work-at-home, etc.
And each time the law cuts one of its heads off, a new, even MORE hypey head re-grows in its place — breathing even MORE fiery hype, screaming headlines and exaggerated claims they can’t back up.
The law cannot slay this beast because of its regrowing heads.
However, it’s easily avoided.
As you can always hear it coming a mile away.
Lying Leviathan
This monster has razor-sharp teeth and his scales are impervious to arrows, swords and (unfortunately) reason & decency.
He likes to lurk in the ocean, sneaking up on unsuspecting consumers who wouldn’t believe in a million years he would have the gall to blatantly lie through his knife-like teeth the way he does.
And he has no problem gobbling up your money in exchange for products and services that don’t deliver.
Luckily, others who’ve seen him will often warn you in advance.
Pay attention to your fellow travelers and you can avoid the lying leviathan’s favorite feeding grounds.
Creature From The Broke Lagoon
This thing is slippery like a fish and is hard to catch.
He likes to swim around forums, blogs and anywhere else he can parrot bad advice that’ll keep you broke.
The difference between him and the other monsters is this creature doesn’t KNOW he’s doing bad.
In fact, he thinks he’s doing GOOD.
He thinks his half-baked advice based on theories and hearsay work — even though they have never worked for HIM.
But since he needs to survive, he tries to sell it to others.
Usually as an affiliate for something he’s never used.
Stay away from his swamps — like forums — and you’re safe.
The Swipe & Steal Slime
This shapeless mass of goo (roo) oozes around the Internet — absorbing everyone else’s ideas, ads, and sales letters.
And then, when he wants to pitch something, shamelessly takes whatever he’s absorbed and uses it as his (or her — there are female swipe & steal slimes, too) own.
There’s not much you can do about these monsters.
They’re impossible to catch since they have no real “substance”.
But it’s good to be aware of them.
And not to let them absorb YOU and make you a blob like them.
Manipulation Zombies
On the surface, these pitiful undead things LOOK normal.
But look closely, and you see they have no conscience.
No feeling.
No caring about anyone or anything (not even themselves).
And so they use manipulation, tricks and “black hat” tactics all day long.
They don’t know any other way.
Lying, cheating, and milking you of every last cent you own is as easy and “routine” for these monsters as you and I ordering a hamburger at McDonalds.
And they are VERY good at what they do.
So good in fact, other marketers (especially those just starting out) are tempted to emulate their wicked ways.
Don’t do it.
It will take you down a path from which you may never return.
Anyway, those are a few marketing monsters to watch for.
They are all over the place — especially on the Internet.
Watch your azz.
Ben Settle
P.S. The best DEFENSE against these monsters is a good OFFENSE. The Copywriting Grab Bag contains over 122 different “weapons” that can help you defeat any of the monsters in the business arena — and save your fellow country folk from their terrible ways.
You can “grab” it now at:
